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J. Timothy Hogan's Letter

No one who has not experienced a severe episode of depression can really understand what it is. It’s like a woman trying to explain childbirth to a man. Or a black man trying to explain to a white man what it is like to live with racism. Or the blind, the deaf or crippled trying to explain to a healthy person what it is like to live with a disability You can explain but the other person can’t truly understand.

So it is with depression. It is real and totally disabling. It is not merely feeling low or alone – it is overwhelming.

It doesn’t happen only to those with a screwed up life. Take me for example. I have a loving family, close friends; I am well educated, successful in business and financially comfortable. Yet I have this tremendous depression. So why not get help? I tried & tried & tried. The health care system completely failed me.

When I moved here, I contacted my mental health doctor in PA ( Pennsylvania ) for a reference for someone to see me in MA ( Massachusetts ). He was not able to provide one. I tried to find one on my own but didn’t want to pick one out of the phone book (not that that would do any good I would later find).

I called the MA psychiatric referral line. It was not in service due to “staff turnover.” With no other number to call, I called the local hospital referral line – I got voice mail.

I made an appointment with a general physician. I tried to get a referral from him. His office tried to set me up with an affiliated doctor. However their mental health care doctors did not take my insurance. I said I would pay CASH! They said they didn’t take cash because it is too expensive.

I called the HMO. They had 4 doctors. I called each one. The earliest appointment I could get was a month out. I called my GP back to see if he knew any of these doctors. He said no, sorry I can’t help you.

So that is my story. I know I am sick – I tried to get help. No one wanted to help me. It is no wonder why there are so many suicides in this country. My only hope is that my death will awaken the health care community and lives will be saved in the the future.

(Signed) J. Timothy Hogan

J. Timothy Hogan died of Suicide May 10, 1998